Sunday, March 20, 2011

Commence: Operation Manipulate Momma. A Diary of Maneuvers and Engagements by Captain Red Rocket

5:50 AM  Commence Operation Obtain Breakfast.  Ground assault begins with ascent of Pillow Peak and body bombing of Mount Momma.  Momma reacts accordingly and assists Company Rocket Rebels in their descent from the bed to the chow line.  Bolt breakfast. 

5:51 AM  Commence Operation Fertilize Garden

5:52 AM  Commence Operation Back-to-Bed. 

10:30 AM  Commence Operation Starbucks.  Muster troops and report to duty station front door.  In disorderly fashion pile into Humvee for transport to the local java hut.

10:40 AM  Mission complete.  Return to base.  Troops briefly diverted to provide humanitarian aid to malnourished tree in the front yard.

10:41 AM  Commence Operation Nap-in-Momma-Lap.  Field conditions are difficult as terrain shifts and Captain endures the assults of Sunday newspaper sections and fellow Rocket Rebels competing for lap space.

11:45 AM  Commence Operation Squirrel Hunt.  Daddy provides field support using garden implements.  Edward provides sand for shoring positions.  Hank sent on recon.  Mission fails.  Back to nap.

2:00 PM  Momma returns from supply station with rations and munitions.  Captain Rocket leads field exercises to test the new "flappy bomb" composed of a surely combustible substance disguised in a casing of orange and lavendar flannel.

3:00 PM  Retreat to the brig with new weapons system for debriefing and nap.  Embedded CNN Reporter captures an image of a weary Captain Rocket with the new weapon.  Consider possible charges for revealing National Security information and not allowing the Captain to brush his ears before the photo.

5:00 PM  Commence Operation Desire Dinner.  Rocket Rebels attack Daddy with sharp claws.  Chow is promptly provided.

5:05 PM  Commence Operation Double Dinner.  Feline intelligence operatives report that Momma was laundering in the latrines during chowtime.  She is thus unaware that the troops have already been through the chow line.  A surprise attack results in victory!  Momma fills the chow bowls a second time.  Three of the six Rocket Rebels are able to bolt the entire second meal before Daddy starts screaming.  Too full for evening maneuvers.  Nap.

8:45 PM  LPs (last potties).  Rocket Rebels are put through an agonizing series of endurance tests to earn cookies.  Captain Rocket must sit.  Maggie and Rachsie must shake.  Hank must roll over. 

8:47 PM  Retire.

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