Sunday, February 13, 2011

Pâté de foie gras or Rubber Chicken?

Meet "Baby."  This rubber chicken in a Santa suit was purchased last year as a Christmas gift for Red Rocket.  Loyal readers of the Red Rocket Report will understand this next reference: when presented with this squeaky rubber chicken Red Rocket set upon him as if attacking the carcass of Fatty Fatacre.  Edward, horrified, immediately began screaming, "Baby crying! Baby crying!" and the chicken was liberated from Red Rocket's jaws, bundled into a kitchen towel, and put to cradle in Edward's bed.  Ever since this rather sorry-looking creature has been Edward's "Baby" and off limits to the dogs.  I must admit, I was a bit mystified by Edward's attachment to this toy until, at a "girls' night out" dinner at the home of a Red Rocket Report reader, I interacted with the infamous "Sophie the Giraffe" teething toy, the favorite of French babies for decades.  I had seen "Sophie the Giraffe" unveiled at the baby shower six months ago but she was confined behind the plastic of a gift box and therefore I was unable to ascertain the texture of the toy.  Imagine my surprise when I attempted to entertain Baby Helen with Sophie and discovered that she was little more than a rubber chicken in the guise of a euro-giraffe.  The rubbery skin and high-pitched squeal that emanated from Sophie were identical to those of Edward's "Baby."  The difference: "Baby" costs $3.99 at Petsmart and "Sophie" goes for $29.99 at the baby boutiques (and $17.99 through the online discount sites).  I will leave commentary to the loyal readers of the Red Rocket Report...

Friday, February 11, 2011

Playing with the Big Dog Toys

Last weekend while grocery shopping I walked down the pet aisle and caught sight of a massive, 2 foot long rawhide bone.  Walking briskly past it I thought to myself, "who would buy such a thing?"  Wait.  Me.  "Wouldn't you rather have Hank chew that than the leg of your dining room chair?" queried the little devil's voice inside my head.  Why, yes, a practical and functional purchase even if I look like Darth Vader trapped in the land of the canines wielding the thing through the store.  The brief embarrassment was worth it upon returning home and presenting Hank with such a prize.  He immediately devoured half of it and then paused and left it on the living room carpet to seek out and drink the entire gallon of water in the automatic dog-watering station.  That's when it happened.  Red Rocket launched the great rawhide heist, bolting into the living room and dragging the half-eaten rawhide (which was a long as he is) into the safety of his cage where Hank was unable to recover it...

Lap Dogs

The problem with having four lap dogs is that there aren't usually enough laps in the house to go around.  This makes Maggie disgruntled and she retreats to the seculsion and comfort of the master bed where she snoozes warm and undisturbed.  Hank possess the classic "I'm a lap dog and NO, I'm not too big for it" attitude, but the reality is that he is too big and so he must usually settle for being a "beside the lap" dog.  Rachsie and Red Rocket, however, are firm believers in lap possession even if they are forced to share.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Rest in Peace, Fatty Fatacre

Perhaps it was lethargy caused by the bitter cold.  Perhaps it was extra pounds acquired during a hibernatory orgy.  Perhaps it was a slip on an icy branch.  Whatever it was, when Hank dashed out of the back door this afternoon in hot pursuit of Fatty Fatacre, our resident squirrel, Fatty was not fast enough and Hank was victorious.  Adding to the horrificness of this senseless slaughter was Red Rocket's contribution to the carnage: I found him dismembering Fatty Fatacre by the back door.  I am distraught that my sweet dogs have turned into squirrel murderers but I suppose this is what one gets for adopting breeds from the hunting class.  I will spare readers of the Red Rocket Report the photo of Fatty's entombment in a Dillon's grocery sack.  There will be no dog kisses tonight and the water bowls will be spiked with Listerine.